Just pray. I am an emotional wreck today. I just can't stop crying.

Dear man down the street passed away yesterday (he was 98), found out about another child (distantly related to me) who was beaten by his father (this is 2 children I have known distantly in less than 2 weeks). She died a few hours later in the ER at 5 months old (happened at the family renunion).

I almost went to the the ER myself in pain last night. Felt like the worst charlie horses you can imagine, but it the very pit of the stomach.

Didn't get but 4 hours sleep last night (went to sleep around 7). Tub is going out today (so lots of noise, saws cutting, hammers, etc). Elijah is scared and screaming, the noise is driving me up the wall (then Elijah's screaming on top). I can't get out as I have so much pain meds in me and dad needs my help occassionally.

Dealing with bills, not knowing where money is going to come from, being sued by 3 drs, now got to have a wisdom tooth extraction because when I had the endoscopy, they broke my wisdom tooth.

And I am probably about to start my period tomorrow. So PMS on top of this. Also, I missed 2 days of my depression med thinking I didn't have any. Called the drug store and they said I filled it. I did, but didn't remember it - just found it. I put it in another bag with meds that got auto filled and didn't need right then.


And I don't think this is right... Underneath the tub should be concrete right?? There is no concrete foundation under. It is just dirt. also in between the stud just behind the shower wall is an electrical wire and junction box. I know our house was built wrong, but man! The more we repair the more we find out was done wrong. Seriously thinking about chronicling all the issues we have found and writing Mike Holmes or The Extremem Makeover:Home Edition Team and see what they can do - heck, even the Habitat for Humanity local group.

Anyway, the tub is about in, but it is not as wide as our other tub, so some concrete is exposed now. Got to get more tile to fix this with too. Dad has still got to level everything just for the base and make sure all the drains line up.

Then we will deal with the walls tomorrow. It has been a fuss all day. Anytime he asks a question, we tell him what we think or where we saw something, he comes back with something smart answer. like I am not stupid, I know that or see you don't know everything, etc. If we offer help then he gets mad and goes outside and says he isn't going to do anything and we can call someone to do it, etc.

I just wish I could win the lotto build a huge house for us so I could adopt more children and even have those in foster care who will never be eligable for adoption to live with me.

Today has just been more than I can take!